I grew up a life of ease and luxury. A life of everything I needed plus more. I wandered around a town somewhat like the movie Pleasantville where everything was in black & white, so perfect. My mother never put a taste of the bottle to her lips and sex before marriage was unheard of. My life consisted of church every Sunday as well as the thoughts to strive for excellence academically. When I aged and left the comfort of something I felt was like a security blanket, kind of like the one you have when you're little and can not ever seem to let go of, I was consumed with a feeling of anxiety and discomfort. A rush of hatred and loathing hit me like a wave the size of a tsunami. It was like I was back in Hawaii learning to surf, wondering if the next lump among the blanket of aqua blues would work with me or against me. It was if I had landed on foreign soil and not only was my surroundings unfamiliar, I was surrounded. Surrounded by beings that were ready to attack at any given opportunity. Where are all my allies? There I stood stooped over a land of lost boys, wondering where is my Peter Pan? and make it stop I never want to grow up. At that moment my life became a battle field. I had three options and they became exceedingly clear. Give in, give up, or give it all I have. Thus I began my quest to conquer this ugly world we live in. Sometimes I do feel like there are different worlds and we are in the coldest one. If you ever take a look around yourself, slowing it down to where you can almost push pause you would notice what I notice. That you should always give what you can and take only what is needed most. This is what seeps out from behind these hazel eyes. I could not begin to explain the emotion trapped beneath the skin that crawls when I am faced with ignorance, hatred, and drama. Welcome to my life. I like to think of myself as a girl in the world.
